October 2008


We’ve been dealing with a case of the cranky almost six week olds here at the L.H. household, so this post is just a catch-all of things that have gone on since the last post.

For starters, last Wednesday morning Josh left for an overnight trip to Chicago.

We both missed him very much, but he was gone less than forty eight hours, so we survived okay.

I also got in our old school diapers

The infant orange edge prefolds from Green Mountain Diapers

They don’t get any more classic than just that. But please note, no icky diaper pins. The modern update is to use a Snappi

Someone also learned to reach for things this week! (She’s grabbing at the camera lens cover)

We also had visitors!

Papaw and Marme came back to visit!

And they brought Mamaw to visit!

There are no words to describe how special this was for me to see – my heart still breaks that there won’t be any pictures of Marion and Papaw, but I know I’m so blessed to be able to have this one.

We also enjoyed some serious shower time. One of the surest ways to calm her down when she’s fussy is to stick her in the shower with me.

Despite the suspicious look on her face, she really does enjoy it!

And the highlight of the weekend – our first race!

It was an early morning start

Since it was The Great Pumpkin Fun Run, we had a bit of fun with dress up. Thanks Aunt Amanda for the super cute outfit!

Marion and I did the 3K walk/jog and Josh did the 5K run. Although due to the fact that the 3K turnaround wasn’t clearly marked (well, at least not clear enough for me and half the field to see!) it turned into a 5K for us as well.

We were pretty tired (especially when I realized the mistake!) but we finished and had a great time

Her little shirt says “Mommy’s under my spell” – so true!

I mean, how can you resist that face?

She slept through the whole race, but woke up right as we were crossing the finish line. So we hung out in the park after and someone got their breakfast.

The cutest little pumpkin in the patch!

And, if you ever wonder why there’s always at least one limb blurry in the photos we take … well here are two videos that might further explain that …

Marion’s official one month old pictures – we’ll take the same photo each month until she turns one and see how much she grows!

Because of course I can’t just pick one photo

The story of the polar bear she’s friends with … when I was born, one of my uncles got me my first teddy bear, because as he told me mom, he wanted to get me something extra special. So for Marion, my brother Brent did the same thing. Except he said, anyone can have a teddy bear, but it takes a special girl to get a polar bear from Alaska. So her first teddy bear is a polar bear :)

Now that she’s a month old, she’s settling into a bit more of a routine and when she goes to sleep, we can pretty much count on her being out for at least two hours. Which means I have knitting time again! So for the second week in a row, I have knitting to show.

Since the little miss is currently sleeping, and we don’t wake sleeping babies, you’ll have to just settle for pictures of the booties, not of her actually wearing them.

These are the Page 81 Booties by Susan B. Anderson.

They are ridiculously quick to knit. Okay, so they took me a week, but I have a newborn, so whatever. If I didn’t have a certain someone to take care of, they would have been up and done by the time I’d finished watching Grey’s and Private Practice on the DVR.

They are simple to knit (although I did the double knit option which just made it go quicker and made it a little more interesting.) The super fun part of them is in the construction though.

For anyone who wants to make some, Maid Marion’s foot is currently 3 1/4 inches long. These booties are 3 1/2 inches long, so I’d say they would fit (as knit) a six week old pretty perfectly. Just size down to three inches and use a stretchier yarn than cotton if you’d want them to fit newborn to one month.

And now for just cuteness …

She is never still!

Perhaps my newest favorite picture – this is the week that they started to really notice each other

Big yawn!

She loves trying to roll over

How did my baby get to be one month old already?

What one month of being a parent looks like …

It looks like laundry that never stops

It looks like clothes that never get folded

It looks like sandwiches that never get made (or eaten)

It looks like a sink full of bottles that are never clean when you need one

It looks like pacifiers

Pacifiers that are everywhere but where you need one

It looks like pedicures that don’t get updated

It looks like face washes by puppy dogs

It looks like mornings that begin when our nights used to end

It looks like pure bliss

It looks like utter contentment

It looks like love

It looks like more perfection than I ever deserved

Letters to my daughter, month one

First, the butter.

In my best Paula Deen voice, this is some good stuff ya’ll. Well, I mean, I guess it’s good. It tastes just like butter, which is the point, since it is butter. When Josh first tasted it, he said, “It tastes just like real butter.” It took me a second, but I replied, it is real butter. Just seems weird to make it in a food processor and not in a cow. One nice difference is that it is very light tasting, since it’s whipped and not compressed into a square stick shape.

So I made bread to go with – can’t have one without the other, right?

I have a serious addiction to fun shaped pans. The downside of that is I spend way too much money on things like this and this and this and, you get the idea. The upside is that I have a pumpkin pan when I want to make pumpkin bread. DUH!

The bread turned out nicely, perhaps a bit too gingery, but I’m not a huge ginger fan. I also had enough batter left for half a dozen muffins.

Of course, this was all cold by the time the little miss gave me a chance to sit and eat it, but it was still all good.

And before we get to the making of the breast milk, today’s cuteness.

Yes, I know she’s on her tummy. It’s the only way she’ll nap. It’s why we have this monitor.

Hey look – I am a girl!

I love the fact she’s getting a double chin.

And now, if you know me and my boobs, and don’t want to read about them, now would be a good time to close this page. If you don’t want to read about my boobs (regardless of personal knowledge or not), breastmilk or breastfeeding, then go on and click away too.

We’ve had a lot of breastfeeding issues, all centering around her inability to gain weight while breastfeeding exclusively. So we added in formula – which broke my heart to do, but Josh and I knew it was the right thing to do for our baby. I kept trying to pump, but gave up actually breastfeeding. Over the weekend, I saw my supply start to really drop and I decided to see a lactation consultant

Breastfeeding is one of those areas where I wish I didn’t know as much as I know. I wish I hadn’t read any of the books, hadn’t gone to an LLL meeting, hadn’t hung out on breastfeeding forums, etc. None of that book knowledge prepared me for the actual physical act of breastfeeding (there’s just no way a diagram can explain the real thing) and they all made it sound so simple. Yes, they acknowledged that there are issues and problems, but they made it seem like with just a little work, anything could be overcome. And honestly, if I didn’t know all I know about the benefits of breastfeeding, then I’d have no issues with having her on formula alone. Throw in some good old guilt combined with that book knowledge, and how can I, in good consciousness, give her something inferior? After all it’s even printed on the can of formula – “breast is best!”

However, our inability to breastfeed successfully was taking a toll on me mentally. Well, on Josh and I both, since there was nothing he could to do to help us out, short of spontaneous lactation and that certainly wasn’t going to happen. Postpartum depression is something we’ve been hyper aware about – and having your baby fail to thrive on the perfect nutrition you’re supposed to be providing, not to mention the screaming as you try to feed her and the outright rejection at time, how can that not take a toll on your psyche? Enter using formula – after all, we’re not going to let our baby starve. But each time I feed her, there it is, that stupid reminder that I’m giving her an inferior product. That I’m not good enough.

So in a great debate with myself, I decided to see the lactation consultant. The mental deal I had was, if she can help us, great, we’ll get back to nursing. If she says we’re hopeless, then I simply won’t allow myself to feel guilty about using formula.

The result? Like most things in life, is a great big grey colored compromise. We’re doing both formula and breastmilk! Clearly, we have issues and a lot of them. Individually, no issue is insurmountable. Put them all together though, and it’s a much steeper hill to climb. But the LC gave me (and Marion) the tools to start taking our first steps. It’s doubtful we’ll ever be able to exclusively breast feed, but now I know that I really am doing all I can.

So after a few days of following our new plan (triple feeding, pumping after each feed, fenugreek and weighing her after each nursing session to see how much supplementing she needs) we’re seeing improvements already. I feel good because we’re nursing again, even if she’s only getting half an ounce of breastmilk in a forty minute feed. Marion is thriving because she’s getting the nutrition she needs in the quantity she needs it in – be it in the form of breast or bottle.

This whole situation has taught me a lot of valuable lessons. First and foremost, don’t ever judge someone when you see them bottle or breastfeeding their child. You just don’t know their situation. (If you do know their situation, then judge away :) )I had to buy formula at Target today and of course it was crawling with moms and babies (as my friend Viula says, it’s a new mom requirement that you make thrice weekly outings to Target.) and I just was hoping that no one was judging me for buying formula (as I’m carrying my baby in a sling – how’s that for a juxtaposition?). Second lesson, be flexible. You just don’t know where life will take you or how you’ll cope when you get there. Third, don’t be bullheaded. I’m passionate about breastfeeding, no matter how the situation with Marion turns out, I’m still going to breastfeed any future children we have. I’ll still go to LLL meetings and I’ll still do everything I can to educate my friends and help them out as they have their babies. But don’t be stupid and stubborn. I could have kept on refusing to use formula – but Marion would have suffered. It was an issue of pride, I’ll admit that, I wanted to be all superior and “my baby hasn’t had a drop of anything other than breastmilk for twenty four months” but it would have been at her expense. So I had to put the pride away and bring out the bottle. And lastly, I’m trying to learn to take it easy on myself. I’ve had so many friends encourage me, to tell me that I am doing great, that I’m doing what’s best for her, not to feel guilt, etc etc but none of those positive reinforcements matter if I don’t believe it myself. Now, I know both Marion and I are trying as best as we can to the best of our abilities, and after all, isn’t that all you can ask from anyone?

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

It’s such a bittersweet day for me. I’ve got this amazing little girl wrapped up on my chest, sleeping soundly (if truth be told, she’s snoring.) But I also have a twin sized hole in my heart. I sometimes have wondered, what would it be like to do this with two babies? Would I be twice as tired, twice as happy? I can’t imagine not having Marion in my life though. I try to tell myself that if I had the twins, Marion could still be here. After all, twins come early, so if they were born by such and such gestation, I still could have gotten pregnant with her, etc. I know it’s not true though – there’s no way I could have had all three babies. It’s either I would I have had twins, or I would have Marion. How can you make that kind of a choice?

So I chose to believe …
- I believe that for whatever reason, my twins were meant to only be with us for a very short time
- I believe that for whatever reason(s), that I’m still not sure of, that their lives had meaning and purpose
- I believe Marion was picked for us by her brothers
- I believe Marion is destined to do something amazing
- I believe there is a reason she’s with us and our twins aren’t
- I believe that one day, I might see why this all happened and I might understand a little bit better
- I believe losing my twins made me a better wife and a better mother
- I believe losing my twins gave me a dimension to my soul that those who have never had a loss will never experience
- I believe I love now in a way I never knew that I could
- I believe I’ll always miss my babies but I also believe that it does get better, that joy does come in the morning, even if it takes a long time to reach that morning.
- I believe they made me a mother, in my heart, if not in my arms

So David and Jonathan, your Daddy and I love and miss you today, and every day. But we remember you today, we acknowledge your existence, no matter how short. And we thank you for this gift of your sister and for making us parents. We love you so much.

http://www.october15th.com/

First up – knitting for Marion!

I actually got gauge on this project! And knitted it in a 0-3 size.

Only to find out that because it’s a Debbie Bliss pattern, it’s huge.

Oh well, it was a really easy pattern and I had yarn to use up.

Then on to football!

I believe in starting them out on the right path at an early age. Go Gators!

And for the cuteness …

You probably can’t see it, but her outfit says “Baby-saurus”

And unless she’s asleep or in the sling, this child is in constant motion!

Marion turned three weeks old today, and we celebrated with some new baby crack.

Baby crack you ask? Oh yes, and it comes in two forms.

Our Moby Wrap

And our ZoloWear ring sling.

Seriously, these two things are the ultimate in baby crack. Marion can be screaming her head off, and within thirty seconds of being carried she’s as quiet and content as you can imagine. Plus, since I had the c-section, I can’t lift anything heavier than the baby, including the car seat. I can wear her though – so we’ve been making lots of trips to Target and such with her strapped to my chest. Her best naps have happened at Target and Ikea.

Slings should be mandatory discharge equipment when you have a baby.

Letters to my daughter – week three

Amy and Uncle Brick, we tried as best as we could.

Despite having the cutest fan EVER, the Cubs still managed to get blown out. Imagine that.

This pretty much sums up how we feel about that.

I turned 30 yesterday – yowza! How did we celebrate? Low-key as a certain little event 16 days ago kind of stole my thunder :)

We were able to give Marion her first “real” bath since her cord fell off.

Hey Momma – whatcha doing?

I’m not so sure about this …

Pretty much the reaction we expected!

Maybe only parents find pictures of their kids crying funny, but this cracks me up. She gets just so mad!

Surprisingly, she likes her back washed off.

Either that, or she just gave up.

All done and so snuggly

MMMMMMM, birthday cupcakes!

Red velvet

Nutella

This is good stuff

But really, there’s no better birthday present than seeing this

And this

One happy 30 year old momma – minus the damage from Ike that still hasn’t been fixed.

Oh! And I actually knitted this weekend! For the first time in over a month! Granted, it was just a swatch – but it’s a start.

Oh! I suppose the best unexpected present was getting on the scale and finding out I’ve lost 30 lbs! That’s all my baby weight plus five! Makes turning 30 more bearable!

Look at what we’ve got here!

A belly button!! Her cord fell off this morning and she now has the cutest little button – yay!

Too bad Uncle Chris had to miss it. He was in town for work and came by for dinner last night. Aunt Abby, all we can say is, he has a lot to learn :)

She’s pretty happy about having a button too.

On a side note, don’t let people fool you about cloth diapering. It’s not about reduce, reuse, recycle or saving the environment or any of that stuff. Internets, it’s about the sheer cute overload of cloth diapers. Seriously, the froggie print? Such cuteness should not be allowed. (Now I just need the celery dots and flower prints too.)

Marion thinks she’s pretty cute too.

Red hair much?

Gratuitous momma and baby shots

We’re both smiling so much because we went back to the pediatrician today – and she gained 5 ounces in two days! So she’s up to 7lbs 9 ounces now! Dr. Allison was thrilled with her progress and even Josh and I can see a change in her in just 48 hours. We’ve (Josh and I) have had some our first big parenting talks and think we’ve come up with a feeding schedule/solution that works for our family. Gosh, it feels so adult having talks like this.

But least you think we’re too grown up, we still do things like this.

Which has led to one of her many nicknames – Monkey Face.

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