Recently, and by that I mean, I keep seeing it pop up on my facebook feed so surely it’s somewhat timely, there have been articles about what not to say to working moms, what not to say to stay at home moms, what not to say to moms that feed McDonalds, what not to say to moms that dress their daughters in matching smocked clothing, what not to say to moms that home school, what not to say to parents that spell their child’s name so “uniquely” it’s lost all pronunciation, what not to say to moms that have adopted. You get the idea.

I have yet to see a single article about what not to say to dads, but I guess that’s a topic for another day.

Rather than focus on all the “what not to say” things, which have an inherently negative tone to them, I present to you, “What TO say to any mother you meet, period, end of sentence.” It’s a bit of a choose your own adventure story.

If you see a mother with child/ren that are pleasant enough to look upon and not actively engaged in chucking things at a stranger’s head, chose option A.

If you see a mother with child/ren that aren’t going to outgrow the awkward phase they are in, but are remotely well behaved, chose option B.

If you see a mother with child/ren that are pleasing to the eye but not so well behaved, chose option C.

If you see a mother with child/ren that aren’t that cute and not behaved well, chose option D.

If you see a mother with child/ren that don’t fall into the previous categories, chose option E.

Option A
My, what adorable children you have and how well behaved they are! You are doing a fantastic job at raising them, keep up the good work!

Option B
My, what well behaved children you have! You are doing a fantastic job at raising them, keep up the good work!

Option C
What adorable children you have!

Option D
Keep your mouth closed and walk away. Or offer to buy her cart full of stuff at Target.

Option E
Bless your heart. Then offer to buy her chocolate and wine and coffee.

Seriously, why people feel the need to comment on a total stranger’s children/motherhood choices/career options/parenting decisions, I will never know. And if you are family, and feel the need to comment on your family member’s children/motherhood choices/career options/parenting decisions, well, I understand that urge but that’s what gossiping to your hair dresser or strangers on the internet was meant to be.