Things that suck about miscarriage

More than the *duh* obvious of you don’t have a baby (or in our case, babies) anymore:

1. All that beautiful pregnancy hair you gained is going to come out. And in most cases, it starts two or three months after the loss, so it’s just about the time you think life might be normal again. Then you wake up one morning to a pillow covered in hair and you wonder what the hades is going on and are you going bald? So every time you brush your hair, you are reminded of what you’ve lost. (Because you know, you need more reminders.)

2. That no one knows how to relate to you anymore. They either treat you like you are fragile and can shatter at a wrong look, or they pretend that you never lost your babies, and you aren’t sure which is worse.

3. The fact that people now think you are in a permanent state of bitterness (which might be true, but you thought you sure were doing a good job of hiding it) and are afraid to share their good baby news with you. Or, they share it and expect you to be just as happy as they are. And you might be happy for them, but it would be nice to have acknowledgment that you don’t have any good news to share. Then the other thing is they just neglect/forget/don’t want to deal with telling you so hope you either find out through a third party, elect someone else to tell you the news, or hope you don’t notice anything different and in nine months they can just present you with a newborn.

4. The weight you gained….yeah, it’s not coming off.

5. The weight you gained…yeah, it’s coming off because you can’t be bothered to interrupt your grief with such mundane things as eating, because what’s the point when you are no longer eating for two.

6. That you question your grief, every outburst, every tear, because no one talks about this kind of thing so you aren’t sure if your grief is normal or if you’ve gone crazy.

7. The sadness your husband feels because this is one thing he can’t make right for you.

8. That you feel so much grief for the other people that have been hurt too, that it’s not just about you, but it also means that your mom won’t be a grandmother and you have to deal with that as well.

9. The world won’t stop and mourn with you.

10. That the excitement and joy and anticipation you felt at seeing that first test will never happen again because once you see those lines, every second for the next 38 to 40 weeks will be spent in fear that somehow, you’ve lost this baby too.

11. You’ll spend every moment wondering if you only got one chance to be pregnant, and that was it.

12. That you feel guilty for getting on with the rest of your life.

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5 Responses to Things that suck about miscarriage

  1. Laura says:

    Oh Kat – I know that I can’t say or do anything to make it better, but I wanted to let you know that I’m still thinking about and praying for you, Josh, and your babies. (Hugs)


  2. Heidi says:

    Nothing can negate the pain but I am praying for your BFP. Lots of dust for you. I can relate to everything you’ve written; Big hugs.

  3. Amanda says:

    Hi there — I just wanted to let you know I linked to this particular blog post on my own blog. Your thoughts were so insightful. I hope that’s ok.

  4. James KG says:

    These are some of the very same things I agonize over. I *hear* you.

    ~ Kimberly

  5. Rachel says:

    Very true list that should be shared with those who haven’t miscarried so they can understand–kinda.

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