I feel very stuck in a rut at the moment.
My knitting is going nowhere. I’m on projects now that are just mindless repetitive knitting and even when I work on them for hours, it seems like I’ve made no progress. It’s hard to not get sidetracked by easy projects that I know I can get completed in a day or so. But I’ve made commitments and I need to finish these. I hate having projects laying around that I started two years ago (or longer!) that aren’t done.
And we’re stuck in a rut here in Houston, which is really sad (and a little bit scary) considering we’ve only been here six months. We just don’t know if we want to go forward … forward with buying a house, a car, getting involved in the community. Or do we just stay where we are and try to make it work? It seems all I can focus on is getting out of here and back to Atlanta. We just need to commit to something, but I don’t know what that something is.
It’s also been four months and two days since we lost the babies, and we’re no closer to anything now than we were four months ago. I had my annual on Monday and the fun talk of it’s been a year and we still aren’t pregnant. I left even more frustrated than before. My doctor doesn’t think it’s a problem, but shouldn’t my concern make it a problem? I love my doctor and I looked long and hard for him and don’t want to switch, but I’m not happy with his answers, or lack thereof. The way his plan goes, we’d still have to wait six more months before even beginning our search for answers. I can’t wait six months. I don’t care that I’m still “young” and I’m healthy and that my one pregnancy seems to prove I’m fertile. Like a friend said to me, six months is impossible to wait when you live your life two weeks at a time.
In so many ways, I’m back where I started, going nowhere fast.