Month Ten

Happy Ten Month Birthday Sweet Girl!

What a month this has been and like every month previous, I’ve learned something new.

This month, I’ve learned how badly I want to protect you from all the hurt and sadness in the world. How much I want for the world you know to only be a happy shiny kind of place. And as much as I want to protect you from from physical pain (you’ve become quite a bruise collector with all this mobility) I want even more to protect you from feeling sadness and loss and how I just don’t want you to have a bad day, ever.

You’ve become so ridiculously mobile lately. Naturally, you aren’t content with just crawling, you want to climb and scale and jump and run and just do it all. You’ve taken quite a few head bumps, oopsies, bangs and bruises and you’ve gotten pretty good at shaking them off. Every once the while though, you’ll have a big one that you just need some momma snuggles to heal. I’m so glad that I can make things better for you with hugs and kisses and snuggle bug time.

I dread it though, when my tricks no longer work. When you have a pain so big that no amount of momma or dada will make it better. This month hasn’t been the easiest emotional month for our family. Your ManMan and Uncle Darren lost their little boy, your little cousin Sullivan. And our hearts just break for them and for our family I know how hard it was (and is) for Marme not to be able to make her little girl “all better” with just a few hugs and kisses and I know that one day, I’m not going to be able to make you magically better. That in your little girl world there will be real and imaginary hurts that momma can do nothing about. And it makes me so sad to think about those days. I guess it’s all a part of growing up, but no one said growing up would always be fun.

You had another not very fun growing up experience this month (I told you this month wasn’t the greatest) when you had your first ear infection which resulted in a ruptured ear drum. It was so awful! You just woke up Friday night just screaming and burning up. We were able to get you back to sleep, but when Saturday morning came, you were no better at all, so we took you in for your first sick baby visit to the pediatrician. The doctor knew there was something wrong with you, but we didn’t know what exactly, so we just came home to wait and see what would happen. Saturday night was one of the longest nights of my life. You were so sick and felt so unwell and were just burning up with fever. We slept most of the night together in the rocking chair. You’d wake up about every fifteen minutes and I’d just snuggle, pat, feed, hush, kiss, pray, do whatever to settle you back down as best as I could. I gained a whole new world of respect for the parents of children who are critically ill. There is almost no worse feeling in the world than watching your child sick and in pain and you can’t do anything about it.

Thankfully, that night your eardrum burst and the healing process could begin. But your dada and I, we felt so helpless that weekend. I could live the rest of my life never feeling that way again.

We’re so thankful that you’re such a healthy little baby. I still feel guilt over the whole failure to be able to breastfeed you and I’m sure I’d feel so much worse if you just weren’t so darned healthy. It doesn’t seem to matter to you what form your food comes in, just as long as you get it! You’ll eat whatever we put in front of you (and lots of things we wish you wouldn’t try out, like dog hair) and we’ve even transitioned you almost exclusively to sippy cups instead of bottles and none of it has phased you.

We laugh a lot about how easy you seem some days. Switching things like your bottle for a sippy don’t slow you down in the least. But mercy, if you don’t get the toy you want right when you want it, you let us know right away how displeased you are about the state of affairs. We may or may not sometimes do little things like that to you just watch you go from 0 to 60 in about two seconds. It’s a parent’s prerogative 🙂

I’ve been just so thankful to be your momma this month. You are just an absolute joy and the light of my life.

I love you.

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