23.February.2008 – 5.March.2008
10 weeks – 11 weeks, 4 days
I just needed to take a break from everything these past few days. My anxiety has been really out of control lately. If we have a good NT scan tomorrow and I still feel this anxious before my next regular OB appointment, I’m going to look for a therapist. I find myself looking at, say strollers, and thinking, oh this will be nice when the baby comes because of this feature, while at the same time, my head is going, yeah right, like we’re going to end up with a baby out of this. There is always this constant dialogue I have going on – where the emotional side of me wants to be happy and excited, but the logical side is very dour and constantly thinking of all the bad things that can happen. I keep telling myself that it will end at the next appointment, that it will stop when I can feel the baby move, or when I really start to show, or when the baby is here. But it doesn’t seem to be slowing down at all – if anything, it’s escalating. I just don’t want it to continue to when the baby is here, or a year old, or eighteen years old. And before anyone tells me it’s normal, this is not normal. I know what normally worrying is, and this is not it. So hopefully tomorrow goes well and I can start to get a hold of this before it gets a bigger hold on me.
11 weeks, 5 days
Because of my anxiety, I called last week and had my NT scan moved up to today. It was scheduled for the day after Josh’s birthday, and I just didn’t want to spend his birthday thinking we were going to have a baby only to go in the next day and find out bad news. So they had me come in today. I went to a different doctor than my normal OB, a place that specializes in genetic testing – The Center for Medical Genetics. It was a nice place – set up to be very calming, which is what you would expect from a place that deals with high risk genetics and such. The only down thing to it was that when they called to confirm my appointment yesterday, they neglected to tell me to drink my water. So when we got in, Josh had to run downstairs and buy me a bottle of water. I puked this morning, so drinking 20oz of freaking cold water in three minutes was not very fun.
I had to drink the water because I had my first abdominal ultrasound! It was so nice not to have to drop my pants! The room set up was really nice – they had a bigger than normal ultrasound machine, but they also had a big flat screen tv hanging from the ceiling so that we could easily see the baby without turning our heads towards the tech’s machine. It was really cool.
So she turns on the machine and tells me she’s going to check out my uterus and my ovaries and other things and as soon as she puts the sensor on my belly, she immediately says, looks like someone is standing on their head! And there was Poppy – upside down on her head! She had gotten so much bigger! So that was reassuring to see the baby right off, and she started looking at other things and when she put it back on the baby, I asked, is everything okay? And she said, as the tech, I can’t tell you that everything is okay. So I was like, let me rephrase, do we have a heartbeat? And she said yes, there it is right there. It was just funny to me that my question of everything being okay meant is the baby still alive? Whereas to her, okay meant not birth defects. Look, we can put up with anything, just give me a heartbeat!
The ultrasound was just amazing – it seemed like it lasted forever. It was great to spend so much time just staring in amazement at our sweet little baby. Again, she had her hands up by her head – it will be so interesting to see if she keeps that preference for hands by her head when she gets here. Oh, speaking of hands, she has fingers now!!! Tiny little nubs, but still, we could see four fingers and a thumb on each hand! I think the most amazing part of the growth though were her little legs – instead of just nubs, she has thighs and calves and feet and a KNEE! I think Josh was most amazed by the fact that our baby has knees!
We also got the required “alien baby” shots too. It’s when the Poppy was facing us and you could see her brain – it was huge! It was pretty funny though – right now, I much prefer her profile!
Both of us had done our research prior to the scan, so we knew the measurements they would be looking for in the neck. Poppy consistently measured around 1.5 and that was a perfect measurement. So we both knew that was good.
Oh, Poppy also danced for us! It was so funny – all of a sudden, she just has this crazy flurry of movement that looked just like she was dancing. Whenever I’d talk or laugh and my belly would move, Poppy would get shaken and swim to reestablish herself. Seeing her move is just unreal. I just can’t wait to feel it!
The highlight though, besides seeing all was well with her, was we got to HEAR the heartbeat for the first time. It was so cool – it was this really deep quick sound. The heartbeat was 171 – faster than last time. Old wives tale would say it’s a girl. Which, I’m still sticking with the girl prediction – but I’m still buying nothing but boy clothes – so go figure!
After the ultrasound, we met for a genetic counselor who just went over our family histories and such. She recommended we have testing for cystic fibrosis – but I think that might have been done in my first blood screen. I could be wrong though. Also because of Josh’s Lebanese heritage, she also said we should be tested for Thalassemia. It’s a severe type of anemia that’s linked to people of Mediterranean lineage. They’ll just test me though, because if I’m not a carrier, there’s no way our baby could have it. Even if I was a carrier, and Josh was a carrier, we’d still have a baby with 75% chance of not having it. So I’m not worried.
The counselor told us that our measurements were excellent, well withing acceptable ranges, so that’s great. She also said that our blood work results would be back withing seven to ten business days and gave us a phone number we could call to check our results. You know I’ll start calling tomorrow! Josh said he laughed to himself when she emphasized the business days part of it – he knew I wouldn’t wait that long.
All in all today was just an amazing day and it was so cool to see how much our baby is growing and how great our little baby is doing! And, just eleven more days until we get to see her again!
11 weeks, 6 days
Today was another good day – still on a high from yesterday I’m sure. I took the pictures from yesterday to the gym today and it was so much fun to show them off. Other than that, it was a normal day. I took a nap from 930 to noon today. I love being able to take naps 🙂